When Joan Rivers spoke, the world listened. Here are Joan Rivers' Best Quotes about Life, Aging and Dying.
1. "I was born in 1962...and the room next to me was 1963."
2. "I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio."
3. "Never be afraid to laugh at yourself, after all, you could be missing out on the joke of the century."
4. "I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can't make it through one door, I'll go through another door—or I'll make a door. Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present."
5. "My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese: most of it's missing, and what's there stinks."
6. "When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off."
7. "You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it."
8. If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor. Joan Rivers
9. "Looking 50 is great—if you're 60!"
10. "I can't wear yellow anymore. It's too matchy-matchy with my catheter."
11. "You know you've reached middle age when you're cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police."
12. "I've had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware."
13. "I saw what's going on under my chin. I don't want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving."
14. "We all mourn in our own way. I mourn with a great steak."
15. "At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents."
16. "Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is God's gift. That's why we call it the present."
17. "I enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or bad things. That means you're alive. Things are happening."